s h o c k e d

i woke up this morning with a very happy expectation. excitingly, i called reine just to know that shes fine. in a silent moment, suddenly, "marvyn". "yes". i answered. "can you look for others?" i just keep quite for a while and asked "but why?". she replied "i don't want you to wait, i don't want to think to much". - well, i translated this sentence to english to make it easier. in real life, the sentence is more hurtful than a knife got stab through your heart. HEE.

i do a hell lot of thinking just right after she told me this. so this left side of me says that i should keep on waiting her in silence, don't let her know, keep on caring for her and don't ever fail to love her! make sure that you stay the same, never to change the way you treated her as your brother, but in deep within, love her like you girlfriend. i know its hard but you too have to understand her situation, give her some space to study. to think. get use to this okay?

and on this right side of me saying that i should forget her just for the sake of  her life. let her go because you know that she got her own boyfriend! you should never told her that you love her on the first place. this is what you get for getting involved in it! "KOTOH!" - in kadazan means good for you. the one you thought who is gonna be yours in the future you have to let go.

oh what a very big slap for me, yeah its my fault too right?

yesterday i had my best time with you, dancing the full so close song with you. woww, we dance till the end, that time i thought that im your one already, but then this morning i started to think what am i doing? what have i done to this poor girl, she got lost because of me, haiya, im getting embarrassed to my dear friends already, looking at them making me sad and kinda shy. a lot of me me making drama.

im sorry for this whole lot of burden i gave, and thank you for giving me this chances to have you by my side for a while, i love the moment you gave, the happy time we had together. so from now on i'll just make the poker face, hee. bha, from my heart to your, i still love you. thank you.